Research Study on Pregnancy Loss

The Institute of Reproductive Grief Care is conducting a study on pregnancy loss.

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I found out I was pregnant while my husband and I were dating.

I found out I was pregnant while my husband and I were dating. Him and I were both in the united States airforce at the time. We were both nervous but we were gonna raise our baby. We got engaged July-7-2020. We were looking for an apartment to rent. I was buying maternity clothes. I even bought myself a maternity uniform. I went in for my first check-up at my OB-GYN on july 8 2020. They estimated my baby to be 7 weeks or more before the visit. I got an ultrasound. They estimated our baby to be four weeks my fiancée and I were all smiles at that appointment. They scheduled me another appointment on the 22 of July. They gave me am ultrasound and estimated baby to be exactly 6 weeks. When they got done with the ultrasound they made my fiancée go to the waiting room due to the covid protocol. The doctor took me into his office and said that there was no heartbeat. The baby was measuring 6 weeks but should be measuring about 9. He said it could be because we have the dating wrong. He said that they were going to get a blood sample and if my HCG was going up I wasn't going to miscarry. If it was going down miscarriage was inevitable. He said if I do miscarry it'll be just like a period and to just take some Tylenol for cramps. He said it would take a day to get the results. I walked out of the office into the waiting room where my fiancée was sitting. He looked at me and knew something was wrong I was tearing up. I told him let's talk about it when we get in the truck. I tell him everything the doctor said and he hugs me and tells me it's going to be okay. The next day I woke up and everything seemed okay. I was waiting anxiously for the office to call me and give me my results. I had an appointment at the Medgroup on base. I went to the restroom and noticed I was having some pink discharge. I periodically checked it throughout the morning. At one point the discharge turned brown. I started bleeding at work my OCP pants were stained with blood. I came home on lunch. The ob finally called me and said that I was indeed having a miscarriage. I hugged my fiancée and started sobbing. I knew it was over. My fiancée called his mom and asked what we should do she said "take her to the ER". I called my mom and she said the same. It was July of 2020 so it was still covid time. My fiancée couldn't be in the room with me. I was at the ER for who knows how long and I started bleeding more and more. I felt "cramps" and I couldn't sit still. I tried to lay down but the back contractions were too painful. I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet my body was telling me to push so I did. Out came our tiny baby and placenta. I held our baby in my hands screaming. There was blood everywhere in the bathroom. I regret doing this with every fiber of my being but I wrapped my baby and placenta in paper towels and put it in the trash. I just didn't know what to do. I went back to my hospital room and cried uncontrollably. The doctor heard me and came into my room. He asked if there was anyone that could come visit me. I said yes my fiancée he's in the truck outside waiting on me I can go get him if you want. He said no tell him to come to the door and I'll bring him to you. A few moments later the doctor brings my fiancée. I tell my fiancée the baby is gone. He said no don't say that I'm sure everything will be okay. I said no I literally held the baby in my hand and I started crying again. We just held eachother and wept. We got discharged hours later. This was on my mother's birthday July 24th 2020. A few days later on July 27th we saw a big beautiful rainbow in the sky. It was bold and colorful. I felt like it was our baby telling us it was okay. I told my fiancée I wanted to name our baby. I gave him his first name Jarred and my fiancée gave him his middle name Lee.

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