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My husband and I have been trying to have a child for several years.

My husband and I have been trying to have a child for several years. We are not good candidates for IUI or for IVF. We decided to do embryo adoption and so this story is not only our story but our donor family's as well. We were matched with a lovely couple in early January. We were so excited and we officially became the guardians of two precious tiny embryos, our last chance for a baby. In July we had the transfer and 2 weeks later I received a phone call I could only have hoped for in my dreams. We were pregnant! I wish I had written down the emotions of that day but my heart exploded with love and joy. I was so elated that I didn't get much work done and rushed home to be with my husband. This was it, our dream was coming true. 2 days later I had a follow up blood test and my hcg levels ahd not increased as expected, they had went up but had not doubled. I was sick with worry. Our next blood test showed much the same, increased numbers but not doubling. Finally on the last test the levels had jumped drastically! We were going to have an ultrasound and see our beautiful baby. The ultrasound showed that the baby had not grown as expected but everything looked healthy. Our third scan showed that the baby had caught up and had a glorious strong heartbeat, 144 beats per minute! We were so excited. When we went to our first OB appointment after graduating from the fertility clinic we were going to hear the heartbeat...but they couldn't find it. No worries baby is just so small, we will just pop into an ultrasound room and find it there. Except there was no heartbeat. As we looked at the scan of our beautiful baby knowing it has passed away, we were heartbroken. How could a baby that looked so healthy 2 weeks prior have stopped growing? Because the miscarriage was a missed miscarriage we opted for surgery. That day was the second hardest of my life. Although my body did fine with the procedure I feel empty and betrayed by my body. People keep saying that God has a plan and maybe he does but right now I just want to curl up in my bed and drift away. Feeling this loss is too hard and I am so tired. We loved you so much sweet baby, you were so loved.

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