Second pregnancy loss, after 5 yrs of fertility struggles.

Second pregnancy loss, after 5 yrs of fertility struggles. We miscarried at 8 weeks, Our baby boy embryo was from our second round of IVF. I really thought this time this would happen for us. I feel devastated to be alone again, my body and heart so empty and depleted. I am 39, and so scared about this time window shrinking where I can still try. Our journey has just felt so painful so far, so much heartbreak. Our first pregnancy was at 34, after a few months trying. Tests found that he had a 90% chance of down syndrome. I had to go through a really painful amniocentesis to confirm this. Eventually I was too scared to continue the pregnancy, so I decided to terminate, even though my husband would have tried to keep him if we could. I always felt guilt about that. The termination also involved truly horrific cervical trauma when they forced these “seaweed” sticks into my cervix the day before surgery to try and soften and open the cervix. It was the worst thing ever. After a month of grief and self medicating and despair, I thought we’d be able to get pregnant again but the 5 years after were years of disappointment, and failed fertility treatments. IVF 1 led to two transfers that didn't make it. This miscarriage was from IVF 2. I was so happy when it took. I thought finally we would be able to grow our family. We made it to week 5 and because some of the hcg testing (via blood x3 because it’s IVF) was irregular we went for an ultrasound. That one was normal. Gestational sac and yolk seemed fine. But i had some bleeding. One big bleed Then traces for a week on and off. We went back for ultrasound at 7+2. This time where the sac had been it was just a foggy mess. Doctor said it looked like a blood clot. How? She was inexperienced and clearly uncomfortable and not good at handling it. My heart fell to the floor. We had given him a nickname, and my husband had written him a song. I had learnt to slow down, and be soft. All of it felt like it was over. And it was just empty again. He hadnt made it. Maybe with that first big bleed, and maybe something was wrong from the start. We knew he was genetically viable from the PGT tests they do in IVF, but something else was wrong. Five days later i had a D&C. I know I could’ve waited for it to pass naturally, but I didn’t want to wait, I just wanted to move on as quick as possible, and feared the worst, that it wouldn’t be successful that I would need to do surgery anyway. The physical recovery was fine but now my mental health is suffering. I feel really depressed and lost. I don’t have emotional support from my family, they don’t call or make much time for me, and I don’t think my husband knows how to be there for me. It’s a month after the loss and I think it’s sinking in that I may never have the family I want. I had wanted multiple babies but that feels like it wont happen now. Unless we adopt in future which is possible but feels like a whole other challenge and vulnerable process in itself. We have one embyo left so I know I shouldn’t give up, but I’m just so devastated about everything that’s happened. I dont know when to “accept reality” or keep going because it will be worth it in the end. (If it ever happens). I’m just so sad and hurt by life.