I have PCOS

I have PCOS and my doctors have told me my whole life that I can't get pregnant. A week after my 38th birthday I took a test because I was having classic symptoms and it was positive. I've never been more excited about anything else in my entire life. At 9 weeks I went in for my ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I thought mine was gonna stop too, but it hasn't. It just keeps aching to hold my baby in my arms. I didn't have it in me to flush so I caught him and put him in a little jar. I buried him in a potted plant so he'll always be with me and I put a shadow box together with the test and his pictures and a gender test I took. I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to do to heal but it still hurts like it just happened. And, nobody around me understands. I feel so alone and heartbroken.